I am a Kenyan. I am very scared.

I am a Kenyan. Today, I am very scared. I am so scared to be honest that I am unable to work — and I have a lot of work to do. There were documents I should have delivered to a client more than 3 weeks ago but I am so scared that I cannot focus on anything.

On August 8th this year, I joined many other Kenyans and we peacefully conducted ourselves through long queues to vote for our preferred candidate. Honestly, we surprised ourselves that time because we still have the 2007–2008 hangover.

We (Kenyans) still worry that we could degenerate into aggression. It is partly a pavlovian response to elections because in our 50-odd year history as a country, we have always been a restrained kind of people — even at that time when a dictator held the reigns of our nation for 24 long terrifying years. We had never disintegrated into wanton aggression, as we did then.

Never again, right?

Our worries also stemmed from the way that we are — we seem to titter at the precipice of violence, as leaders and social media users make these brazen aggressive comments that give rise to fear and anger. These statements of false bravado and warmongering increase consternation among those of us who simply want to work. Whats worse is that many of the leaders who make the reckless statements get away with them, time and again — ostensibly because they support the president.

Anyway, on August 8th, we did well. We voted. We went off home and others rejoined to the bar to “catch pints” as we wait for the announcement.

Now. On August 10th and thereafter, we saw citizens accounts (many captured on mobile phone video) of policemen running roughshod on the streets, beating people mercilessly. It is stuck in my head that I saw a young man being beaten severely by them and then he was left there to die (which he eventually did).

Meanwhile, middle class Kenyans remain oblivious of the real hurt and fear in some parts of the country. Instead, like me here, we hide behind our keyboards — many of them to hurl unthinking tribal and divisive vitriol at each other. recently I was astounded to read a post by a middle class fellow, suggesting that Kenya is ready for a “benevolent dictator” as if such a thing is possible.

But what scares me more is this: Each leader maintains the hyperbole and rhetoric of his faction. And their followers are entrenching themselves further and more strongly in that rhetoric to ultimately become purveyors of exaggeration and propaganda.

On the one hand, the opposition has it that everything around the elections was wrong and that it was malpractice, even minor errors are enlarged and magnified into grievous malignant misdeeds meant to send the country into turmoil. If you asked the opposition, there are no rowdy demonstrators destroying property in their crowds at all. On the other hand, the Jubilee followers take the opposite view — any problems were mere teething problems and the elections were held to be the best in years. Indeed, they would have one believe that the Supreme Court ruling was a huge injustice to their chosen candidate, President Uhuru Kenyatta. The truth lies in between these two extremes and sadly there are no Kenyans there.

I am scared because these opposing views have been elevated to spiritual levels. Jubilee followers from the president’s Gikuyu community, who adhere to the Mungiki sect — one that believes in the traditions of the community have been recorded on video praying for victory for “God’s people who are under attack.”

Whats more terrifying is the mainstream christian churches taking sides along tribal lines — with those in central Kenya taking the “victory is being stolen from God’s people” approach and in western Kenya, “God’s people are being violently robbed of their rights.”

The fresh elections are set to be held in a few days and I really do not feel safe — not just on the next few days, but in the long run. Regardless of how this goes, I feel that the future grows dimmer by the day in Kenya.

Do you know how bad it is? There are two battle lines drawn: those who shall vote are perceptively for President Uhuru Kenyatta, regardless of who they vote for at these elections and those who abstain are perceptively heeding the call by the Hon. Raila Odinga. There can’t be another reason for either position seen.

I am really scared that Kenya is sliding away into hell and I feel helpless — much like a person watching a particularly tense moment in a horror movie and being unable to close their eyes.

Help!

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