Sober.. For how long?

I’ve been sober for 47 days. Probably the longest period of alcoholic abstinence since I was 20.

Day 1 began during a typical hungover day, my inner dialogue shouting it’s typical angry cry, ‘I’m never drinking again!’ But this time it stuck. Something was different with this specific narrative. I actually lost interest in hangovers, and the liquid that insures it.

For now, for later, maybe forever?

When I first began this ‘journey’ (“being sober isn’t a destination, its a journey,” amiright?) it was accidentally emotional for me. Maybe because it felt like my life was reaching for, or had reached, a different plateau. Similar to blindly taking a next step on the ladder.

Very quickly the questions started appearing. How was I going to Friday Night? When my partner wants to go to our favorite drinking hole do I play lame and Netflix and Chill instead? Or put my best sober party face forward to go to the bar with him ordering ginger soda all night whilst testing my patience in drunk talk?

Another stunner about my sobriety (albeit temporary) was that it felt like an accomplishment. Something to really be proud of. Foolishly, I was looking for praise from the people closest to me. They reassured me that I wasn’t an alcoholic, just a binge drinker. Score! So I guess you can say any praise from them went out the window, or was never near a window to go out of. They really took to the non-smoking bit though. (I conjunctively quit smoking alongside the booze.) Drinking on the other hand, didn’t grab them as much.

After waiting impatiently for a few weeks like a giddy child, I came to the realization that I didn’t need validation from anyone. I felt more in tune with my body, my skin was clearer, my energy was soaring, among other remarkable things. Nobody else could feel those internal shifts so why would they comment on it?

On top of my organs flourishing, I’ve never felt more inspired to be creative or put more energy into my hobbies. Instead of going to the bar with my partner, I absolutely Netflix and Chill. Buying face masks and eating sorbet has never felt better on a Friday night. So has waking up without a hangover. While I do expect a few good pints in my future, I’m spending today — and hopefully tomorrow — enjoying a clearer mind, body and spirit.

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